Identity Crisis & Birth Certificates

I’ve been recently dwelling hard on an issue that I always seem to come back to time and time again. Sometimes the questions swimming around in my head won’t stop and the just lead me to ask more questions. What actually makes us real and exist? Have you ever really thought about it before? I swear I’m not stoned! I just can’t stop thinking about it.

Is it our family and friends who know us? Surely that is pretty concrete evidence that we are here. Could it be the energy you take up and put back out into the world? Arguably that would make someone real. Or, is it a slew of legal documents that legally tells us who we are, where we are from, and who we come from? I suppose if you don’t have a birth certificate, social security number, or an ID then you never were or never will be.

Part of the reason I tear myself apart with these questions is because on some level I’m always struggling with my identity. Not in the way that all these desperate 20 somethings are just “trying to find themselves”. It’s a lot more complicated than that. It’s not a questions that can be answered by life experiences or partying or going to school. At least not for me. I always want it put down in permanent writing. If you commit something to paper then it makes it real. So many things in my life were so wishy-washy that I only trust what has been recorded. In my mind paper = permanence.  

I set myself up for failure with that mindset but let's be honest - I’m stubborn as hell and have no intention of changing. However, this has caused me to struggle more with who I am.

Incase you're unaware - let me give you a little nugget of information. When you’re adopted in the state of Minnesota they change your birth certificate. The person who you were born as and born to be is gone once the state has declared your adoption as final. Your history is then stripped away. Who your parents were and where you came from is completely erased. Unless you have a copy or have requested one before the adoption - your original birth certificate is gone forever. Your biological parents names are then replaced with your adoptive parents and the state deems your new birth certificate the only one that is valid.

When this was brought to my attention before my adoption when I was 13 I almost called off the whole thing. We were there at the courthouse and I overheard someone say something about a new birth certificate and I flipped my shit. I was already taken away from my family time and time again. I’d already switched schools time and time again. I’d already given up so much. I’d given up family, friends, security, my education, my pride. NOW you want me to give up my history and my identity?

My adoptive mom knew me well enough to know how sensitive I would feel about it and made sure to request multiple copies of my original birth certificate. Bless her heart! Basically it was the only piece of reasoning I listened to. Otherwise, I’m sure I would have thrown out the entire adoption all together. Like I said, I'm stubborn.  

I’m still appalled by the entire concept. When you get married you don’t change your entire identity. You get a marriage license. Sure, you might be changing your name but your maiden name is still a form of identification. Sure, you’re joining another family but your family isn’t going away forever - it’s an addition not a trade. Even dead people have the respect and dignity to have an official record of the who, when, where, and how.

I always try to say how grateful I am that I was adopted but ever since my birth certificate, my real life real world birth parents, and my origins were stripped from me it’s left a hole. I know I’m one for the dramatics but this is an honest to God issue that I will never stop talking about. My argument is that there should be an entirely separate document for adoption. I see no reason why the state wouldn’t want to issue adoption certificates. I doubt it’s anymore work that what they are already doing.

I believe that if a separate document was created it would help foster and adoptive alumni sort through their issues of identity. It would help with medical records and being able to look into what you could potentially be passing on in your genes. For people like me it would be a real life road map of the journey life has taken you through,  being able to lay it all out and make sense of it all. Nothing would be more therapeutic than to feel like one whole person instead of the 15 different people I have become divided into.

If an adoption certificate was created there would be concrete real evidence that you are the person you used to be but you’re also the person you’re becoming and you’re also all of that at once.

Until Next Time

-ProunouncedLeah