I’m just going to come right our and say it. Women do not like me. Most of my friendships with women have had an expiration date of about one year. Some of them have ended in a huge fight with words exchanged that just can’t be taken back while others have simply fizzled out and died. I’m not entirely sure what the exact reason is that could send all my female friends running but I have a few guesses as to what they could be. Part of it could perhaps be that I just get along better with guys. It could also be that I’m entirely to honest and don’t hold anything back. Or it could also be that I don’t take the time to keep up or invest the energy required to maintain a friendship with the women I have been friends with. Maybe you understand where I’m coming from. Are all of your female friends fleeing from you and you can’t figure out why? Or maybe you’re reading this and already thinking “Man, this lady is a real bitch.” I can only speculate as to why so many of my friendships have fallen apart and I’m prepared to lay it all out for you.
First of all, let me address something and be clear about it. It’s true that all of my friends are guys with the exception of my best friend Abbie (BLESS HER SOUL). I’d like to consider myself as “one of the guys” but not in the “I’m annoying and trying to hard” kind of way. AND unlike the dynamic of so many other friend groups – I know for a fact the none of my friends want to sleep with me. Being friends with guys is just all around a lot more simple. You can just shoot it straight and no one gets bent out of shape over anything you do or say. In fact, if you insult or say something offensive to a guy friend they are either going to shrug it off or laugh it off. At least in my experience none of my male friends hold grudges. In the off chance that I have managed to piss one of them off I’m almost instantly forgiven. Being friends with mostly guys is less work and 100% less effort. Guys are content to just hang out and do a whole lot of nothing. In my experience girls are restless and always want to be doing something or have something planned. I like a plan as much as the next person but when I’m relaxing and hanging out with friends, I want to do just that. I don’t want to get caught up in the drama and stress.
Part of avoiding drama and stress is never withholding the truth. I’ve said it before and I’m sure you’ll hear me say it a thousand more times but lying makes my stomach turn. I’m terrible at lying. Everyone who knows me knows you can see it all over my face. Even little white lies are difficult for me to say. In my opinion, honesty is always the best policy. This has definitely back fired on me in my endeavors with my girl friends. Sometimes girls want you to lie to them. The worst part about this is that I’m a complete hypocrite. If my hair looks awful, please lie to me and tell me it’s fabulous. However, when the tables are turned I find myself unable to get the little white lie past my lips. Something in my brain tells me that if you asked then you’re going to get an honest answer. Of course there are nice ways to inform someone that maybe they should pick a dress with a different cut but I’m all about that no BS policy. I’m sure if I was a little sweeter in my delivery of “constructive criticism” I would have been able to hold on to more of my female friends. But why should I change who I am just to make someone else more comfortable? I may come off as mean or rude but that has never been my intention. I’m sure you think I could easily apologize or explain myself – it just hasn’t worked out that way. Sure, my apologizes in the past were accepted and my explanations were heard and the situation was fixed - temporarily. Only until I open my mouth and say something again to step on someone’s delicate feelings. I know, I'm an asshole. Wouldn’t it be better to keep friends around that can handle you as your truly are though? Instead of living in this cycle of offend/apologize/repeat.
Perhaps other people in this world do invest such time into their friendships. Maybe everyone else is okay with the cycle of offending and apologizing. I know the words "I'm sorry" can easily roll of so many peoples tongues. I could be completely crazy to not want to invest the time and effort it takes to maintain those types of relationships. Every friendship takes some amount of time and effort - but at what cost? I deeply value my time and I don’t appreciate it being wasted. I can only assume that is the feeling most people have. Wouldn’t you agree? So why is it that so many people require so much attention? I don’t want to text my friend’s everyday. I just don’t. I don’t enjoy talking on the phone. I also do not feel the need to spend time with my friends 5 out of 7 days a week. It’s just down right exhausting. I have had multiple friendships where fingers were pointed at me because I never replied to texts and I never called back and I wasn’t spending enough time with them. Blah, blah blah, the list goes on. It was sucking the life out of me and I just needed to cut my ties and walk away.
This could all boil down to a simple explanation of me being lazy and that I just don’t care enough. I don't mind admitting that I'm maybe a bit of an asshole. I’ve always put it off and thought that the person on the other end of the friendship rope was the one that cut ties and walked away. Maybe that still holds truth and they couldn’t stand me or my attitude anymore. The case could also be that I’m a serial-friendship-end-er (yup, I’m making that a word). It’s so easy to point the finger at other people before placing the blame on yourself. So, here I am, publicly pointing the finger at myself. If you used to be my friend – I’m sorry if I was a giant jerk and if I was way too hard to handle. This will be my last apology on the subject. For everyone else, stay firm with who you are. Don’t change yourself just to keep people close to you. Eventually the right people will come into your life and they will be able to tolerate you beyond your wildest dreams and they might even stick around for awhile.
Until next time
-PronouncedLeah
No comments:
Post a Comment