Dylan and I were 16 years old when we started dating. He always told me from the beginning how he knew that “this is it” and that he had always planned on his first girlfriend to be his last and ultimately his wife. You would think that would be every 16 year old girl's dream to hear that from the boy who she is going steady with. Partially it’s true, I was over the moon happy to have a boyfriend that loved me so much and wanted to stay committed. On the other hand it scared the crap out of me. I was only 16! What I knew from my life so far was that I could barely get a parent or guardian to commit to me for more than a few months - how the hell did this sweet and caring boy think he could last the test of time? Either he was completely nuts or he was some type of masochist.
I was completely head over heels about him immediately that the logical side of my brain that typically filters out such things seemed to have dissolved and leaked out my ears. I was never a commitment type girl. I had a slew of relationships but they were more like impulses and trends. I changed relationships like I changed the color of my hair - which was often in those days. My longest relationship was no longer than 3 months. But here I had this guy promising me marriage and forever and wanting to dream and talk about our future. It definitely must have been love because typically that kind of talk sent me running for the door.
Bye Felicia.
Bye Felicia.
However, here we are 5 years later and we’ve made the ultimate commitment of forever - till death do us part. But marriage isn’t easy. Hell, navigating a relationship with me isn’t easy. It took me a long time to learn how to be a good partner and I know for a fact it took a lot of patience from Dylan to work through it with me. My life was full of disconnected relationships with family, friends, schools, and everything else. It left me with a bunch of broken pieces that didn’t fit together but somehow I was supposed to figure out what love should look like.
With a lot of time, patience, and communication I feel like I’ve finally put together a somewhat normal looking puzzle. I have to give Dylan a lot of props. He’ll be the first to tell you I’m difficult and I’m also not afraid to admit it. I’m short tempered, sarcastic, and a bit of a diva. I have to say that Dylan’s peace keeper mentality, light hearted attitude, and down to earth personality helps keep me grounded constantly. Sometimes I come up with these terrible and impulsive ideas but with super powers of reasoning Dylan talks me into a more logical and less extreme course of action.
It probably sounds like I’m talking Dylan up and putting him on this pedestal (although he honestly deserves a medal for putting up with me sometimes). He does have faults of his own and isn’t perfect. In a lot of ways Dylan is the exact opposite of me. He is patient and level headed and I’m just not. I think the fact that we are so different is the glue that holds us together. People will tell you that you should change for your partner or your partner should change for you but I don’t really agree.
Going into our relationship Dylan and I both knew who we were. Faults and all. I knew that he holds people to unfair and unusually high/impossible standards. I also knew that he has to eat all of one thing on his plate before moving on to the next. But he also knew that I'm sensitive to other people's feelings and "catch" their moods. He also knew that I don’t have an inside voice and I need to be reminded that I’m yelling. There is constant give and take. There are also periods of time where it is all take and you need to learn how to work around it.
Our relationship isn’t perfect but I know that it’s what I need and it’s what Dylan needs. Even though we are on opposite sides of the color wheel we somehow have found a middle ground to get to where we compliment each other's weaknesses. Being married is a learning curve. I think at first everyone probably sucks at it but it gets better with time. You just need to be patient and put in the time and effort to wait for it to sweeten.
Until Next Time
- PronouncedLeah
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